i've yet to upload my pictures, yet for those who's supposed to send me pictures to send me. but i haven't had a serious post in a long time and i'm too lazy to set up my lj account so i'll keep to here first. yea i spent the past few days with the friends that mattered to me. my six besties, the clowns from school and tasha. and i ponder on my friendships before i scoot off for mugging for real.

since a long time ago i've set a clear distinction for my frens. at the same time, its reflected in msn groups.many have moved in and out of that group. but there are some who are always there. always. and always will be. i'm too particular about friendships u see. i set great expectations? well maybe not the way to put it. but i value friendship too much.

and my definition of friendship have changed drastically over the years

i admit i am a largely anti-social person. i don't make friends easily at all and i hold those friends that matter to me close to my heart. and these friendships are staying strong. some who used to be strong has retreated to another place in my heart. the remember but not very active corner.

do i over treasure some friendships yet undervalue some? there are new friendships forming fast. yet some who badly wanted to be my fren/closefren/boyfren yet snubbed by me in the past. dear girl.. what have you been doing in the past!

i don't think about the hurt in my heart. i don't blame any who caused it. i blame myself too much at times. why didn't i make the right choice. why do i never think about the consequences. and i suffer too much from the consequences of blame. its supposed to be a good thing not to push the blame on someone else. but for me, it tears me up inside too much

but there are some things that just can't be. like the friendship between you and me. because its a mutual thing