shattered at 3:40 AM

devil's bar.
i don't like clubbing anymore i don't like alcohol anymore
cheng said to shake my worries away
i hardly enjoyed a single moment
this is weird.

i don't know whenever will i forget this. yes u said its only 8 days. but i opened the door of my heart, not a mean feat for me. and its no longer bearable. i was prepared to give up anything. and i did, my stubborness, my pride. the comfort of my frens were great, but they were there to try to fill the void emptied by you. but . u. are irreplacable. i don't know how much i can do without u. i can hardly sleep without hearing your voice. i tire myself out so much each day just to have an easy time sleeping. i was never given a chance, could never tell u my feelings. all my heartfelt feelings, are still embodied in my heart, just like little needles, piercing each day. being nonchalent is my nature, breakups were always easy for me. forgetting was like abc. today, i feel like i'm dying more inside each day. no matter what the others said, i still wanted to stick by u. and its bursting out of me now. those reading this will be thinking. this gera. how stupid. i didn't blame anyone for putting me through this. but god. the hardest pain. is to give me something and then take it all away from me.
i still gotta be strong anyway. though its hard when u dun care anymore.
i can cave in anytime. i don't know which guardian angel is there to hold me up. a million thanks to u. i'm never home now. i neglect emily too, for fear she will remind me of you.

why won't you just turn back and look at me. look and think of me. think and come back to me. happiness has long disappeared. pure happiness
but tash. spending the day with you shopping and just confiding in each other. i felt like i was myself again. but only for a while.